Men vs Women
1.NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionatelyrefer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head andScrappy.
2.EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throwin $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will haveanything smaller and none will actually admit they want changeback.When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't needbut it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shavingcream, razor,a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroomis 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a newargument.
6.CATSWomen love cats.Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,men kick cats.
7.FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money thanhis wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but hedoesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't changeand she does.
10.DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, emptythe garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knowsabout dentist appointments and romances, best friends,favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes.There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY.....A couple drove down a country road for several miles, notsaying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argumentand neither of them wanted to concede their position. As theypassed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husbandasked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep,"the wife replied, "in-laws."
